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Does it make his feelings any less real? The main obstacle is straight men who have sex with men are not usually open about this. Justin Myers, The Guyliner.

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James identifies as gay, but his first proper relationship was with a man who did not. This is the thing about coming out: A relationship with a straight guy can, in a way, reverse that, dragging you back into the closet. Although the gay guy in the relationship will try their best to be sympathetic — they know this struggle better than most, after all — it's understandable that their patience will wear thin.


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The ability to go public about their relationships is very important to many gay men — even if it attracts negativity. As a fresher at university, Robin, then 18, fell into a relationship with Dom, Says Robin: He absolutely had per cent control over things; the code of conduct imposed on us was coming from him, not me. Robin decided he would come out, in the hope it would show Dom that it didn't have to be a nightmare.

Simon was 17 when his hitherto straight best friend made a move on him.

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He would always tell me he wasn't like me, and couldn't be, because he 'had his whole future ahead of him'. The idea that my future was irrelevant and that admitting he was with me would ruin his made me feel worthless and I ended up battling depression for years.

Gay men aren't toys to be practised on. Bisexuality was often the only concession to less binary labels, but is and was often a source of derision among straight and gay people alike, characterised by accusations of greed or indecision.

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The closest anyone got for many years was the advent of metrosexuals — basically straight men who used moisturiser and took longer than five minutes to get ready in the morning — and drunk straight women getting off with each other for a dare. And even these were very much about straight people play-acting than any serious comment on evolving sexuality.

Everybody else had to stay in lane, their labels hanging over them. A sign things could be changing, for the better, are men who are comfortable with their status as a man who sleeps with men, and refuse to be bound by labels. Years after his straight-guy experience at uni, Robin somehow once again found himself in the middle of another heterosexual man's coming-out story. I'd like to think in everyone is free to come out if they're gay, but sadly that's still not the case. However it would be a little odd for him to be secretly gay but his brothers facilitate him by leaving the house for him to fool around.

That would suggest there's no family pressure for him to remain closeted, but that obviously isn't the only factor. Based off your email, I think there has to be a lot more going on than you've disclosed. You don't just walk in on your boyfriend and his friend in an awkward situation and immediately jump to assuming they're secret gay lovers.

Maybe they had been practicing a dance routine. Maybe his friend had a particularly aggressive curry the night before and had just returned from the bathroom. Maybe he had just completed the ice bucket challenge and was mortified because it's so tragically There is some level of distrust in your relationship already for you to even think they were fooling around- and you need to reflect on where that's coming from.

Do you trust him?

Straight men dating men and the gay men who fall in love them | British GQ

If you don't, well that's a major issue assuming he's not having a secret gay affair, in which case we'll rank the ole gay affair as first on the list of major issues. You need to put yourself and your baby first here. Decide if you trust him, and then set your mind at rest by discussing the incident with him - but not from a place of judgement or suspicion. You're having a child together, so regardless of what unfolds you need to try and remain civil with each other. Do you have a problem you'd like some advice on?

“We have to get it right when it comes to sexuality.”

Email askbrian independent. David Coleman Teenage boys watch pornography.

Brian replies:

Estimates, based on the research evidence that I have tracked, suggest that about half of all pre-teens and teenagers between the ages of 11 and 16 watch Mary O'Conor I find myself yet again lying here on my own in the spare room, ready to pull the trigger on some revenue-spinning lonely hearts website. But it never amounts to anything - I either don't push Ask Brian: I found my boyfriend and his best friend sweaty and alone together - are they having a gay affair?

Our no-nonsense agony uncle gets straight to the point of your most pressing issues Stock photo. Just as we went to leave the door swung open, but no one was standing there so I went inside. My boyfriend was standing in the sitting room acting as though he was cleaning up his home. While his friend was sitting on the couch sweating like he had just run a five mile sprint.


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This would explain my boyfriend's distance and his friend's profuse sweat. Thanks for having an available email for my concerns. Brian replies: I think you might be misreading some things here. As for the situation you describe in his house, that's a little less clear.

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